We all experience loss throughout our lives, small losses that barely effect us and other significant losses that can affect us deeply. The death of someone you know, especially someone you hold dear, can be devastating.

However, this loss doesn’t have to be of a person, it can also be of something (or even somewhere) important to us.

The natural, human response to any loss is grief. And yet this is someone we rarely talk about or consider in our day-to-day lives.

On this page you will find some of the most common questions and concerns people have around loss, bereavement and grief.

What is grief?

Grief is the natural, human reaction to loss. This loss can be of anything - a person, a pet, a job, a relationship, or on object. Quite simply, we will grieve the loss of anything that is significant to us. It doesn’t matter whether it is significant to anyone else. The nature and experience of grief is unique. It will vary from person to person. It will also vary depending on the nature and quality of the connection to the person, place or thing which has been lost. As Grief Expert and author, David Kessler says, “Grief is a reflection of a connection that has been lost.”

Can I avoid grief?

We grieve because we have lost someone or something dear to us. It is understandable to want avoid the pain associated loss. This pain can be all too hard to bear. However, grief is the process that helps us heal after the experience of loss. It is the way we can find comfort, meaning and re-connection to life. Grief enables us to cope, come to terms and adapt to life with our loss.

What’s the right way to grieve?

It is very common for us to question whether we or our loved ones are grieving correctly. We want to take away the pain and suffering. However, grief is unique. It depends on who we are as individuals and the complex nature of our loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. That said, we may find solace in support and guidance along the way.

Is grief the same as mourning?

Not quite but they both have roles to play in our journey through the pain of loss. Mourning is the actions we take, the rituals and the customs associated with loss. These vary greatly depending on our cultural and religious backgrounds, as well as our individual beliefs and preferences. Mourning is usually associated with death. Grief is our unique, personal experience loss. How we feel. You could think of mourning as the outward or external experience of loss and grief as the inside or internal experience of loss.

Can you grieve for something you never had?

The short answer is yes. We may experience grief when we loss the chance or ability to fulfill a long held dream, a burning desire or an expectation from childhood. We may have grown up expecting to be or to live in a particular way, and then experience grief when we discover that this is no longer possible or an option. It is also very common, when having lost a loved on to experience grief for all the experiences that we will no longer share - the celebrations, milestones and meaningful moments that were also with the death of our partner, parent, friend or child.

When will my grief end?

Grief has no set timescale and isn’t something to ‘get over’. It is highly individual. It depends on who we are, what we have lost and what else may be happening in our lives. We may feel enormous pressure - from family, friends, colleagues and society in general - to ‘get over’ our loss and ‘get on with’ our life. However, it is important to take the time and space you need to grieve. It might help to think of grief as a healing process rather than a clear route from A to B. You don’t ‘get over’ the loss of someone or something significant, but you do learn to live with that loss.

Is it normal to feel this much pain after a loss?

The pain of loss can be all-consuming. It may feel as if it will never end. You may experience this pain physically in your body, in your mind with troubling thoughts or through powerful emotions. Again there is no wrong or right way here.

What is Grief Counselling?

You may feel lost, stuck or alone in your grief. That you have to be strong to support other people also affected by the loss or that there’s no-one who understands what you’re going through.

Grief Counselling is a specialist form of therapy designed to support people through the experience of loss and bereavement.

It can help to talk to neutral person, who has not been personally affected by the loss, in a safe and supportive environment without any fear of judgement or expectation.

Do I need Grief Counselling?

This is a personal decision and one you may want to discuss with your family, friends or GP.

Sometimes your grief feels overwhelming and never-ending. You may find it simply too much to bear.

If this is the case, you may well find the support of an experienced therapist, specializing in grief counselling, can help you to work through the strong emotions and overcome any obstacles.

You can find out more about Grief Counselling here.

What is Grief Movement?

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed or stuck or broken by the pain of our loss. And sometimes talking simply isn’t enough. Grief Movement is an embodied technique. It uses simple and gentle movement, breath and sound practices to help you to move through the cycle of compassionate transformation - from the pain and struggle of grief to the peace and purpose of honouring your loss.

You can find out more about Grief Movement here.

I can’t stop crying, is there something wrong with me?

It is perfectly natural to cry when in grief. It is perfectly natural to cry a lot. And it can feel overwhelming, particularly if you are not someone who cries often or at all. The tears are there to help us express and relieve the pain of our loss. That said, it is also perfectly natural not to cry. You may cry a lot a first and then hardly at all, or the opposite may happen and you find it hard to cry when the loss happens and the tears come much later. If you feel stuck in your tears or that you’re crying is out-of-control, you may benefit from some support in working through your emotions.

What are the five stages of grief?

You may well have heard of the five stages of grief, sometimes also referred to as the stages of change. This is one of may ways of understanding the different emotions we are likely to experience during grief. It was developed by the Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A sixth stage was later added by her long-time collaborator, David Kessler. This sixth stage is, meaning. There is much misunderstanding around this model of grief. It is important to note that these stages are not a linear journey and there is no right way to go through them. In fact, we each make use of some or all of these stages for different lengths of times, in differing amounts and in different ways to create our unique experience of grief.

Why do I feel so sad after losing my job, my home or my car?

You are experiencing grief at the loss of something important or dear to you. Something to which you felt a strong attachment. It is a normal response to help you work through the pain and upset associated with this loss. This is nothing to feel bad about. It is perfectly natural.

Is there a right way to grieve?

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We are all unique and as a result so is our experience of grief. You need to grieve in the way that feels right for you. The way that brings you comfort and relief. However, there is nothing wrong with seeking help to guide and support you on your journey with grief.

Why does my relationship breakup feel like a bereavement?

It is common to be surprised at the strength of our emotions after a divorce or relationship break-up, especially if there was betrayal, unkindness or deceit involved. The end of a relationship It is a form of bereavement, not only has the relationship ended but so too have any hopes or dreams you may have had for your future together. Allow yourself the time to grieve these many losses.

Can children grieve?

Yes, if children are old enough to experience love, they are old enough to experience the grief of a bereavement. Obviously their level of understanding will be different and so will they way they express their grief. It will also depend of their age. You may find that they benefit from the support of grief counselling or from attending a specialist bereavement group.

Why do I feel such sadness after the loss of my pet?

You are grieving the loss of an important part of your life. Our pets are part of our family and we come to love them dearly. So, it is completely natural that we feel deep sadness at their loss. This can be made all-the-more-difficult because society often fails to recognise the significance of our beloved pets, whether they’re a dog, cat, rabbit or lizard.

If you have any further questions about grief and loss or how Grief Counselling may be able to help you and those dear to you, please do not hesitate to get in touch. And remember, there is no such thing as a ‘silly question’ – if it’s important to you, then it is important to me too.

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